Lighter Side of Real Estate

A patient got bad news from the doctor:  the doctor said he was going to die in two weeks.  The patient asked, "Doctor, what should I do?"  The doctor said "Marry a real estate agent."  The patient said, "Will I live longer?" and the doctor replied, "No, it will just seem longer." 

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A young looking man walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a drink.  The bartender said “We don’t serve anyone under 21 here.  Show me your real estate license.”

The young man asked “Don’t you mean my driver’s license?” and the bartender replied “No, not everyone has a driver’s license.”

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Homeowner:  What’s your opinion of my home?

Real estate agent:  It’s worthless.

Homeowner:  I know, but I'd like to hear it anyway.

 *  *  *

* * *

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young
secretary.  His new girlfriend demanded that she wanted to live in the
couple's multi-million dollar home, and since the man's lawyers were a
little better, he prevailed.

He gave his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out.  She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.  On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.  On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited
a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the
curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for
the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried
everything; cleaning & mopping and airing the place out. Vents were
checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air
fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which
they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to
replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit... Repairmen
refused to work in the house...The maid quit...

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could
not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even
the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to
purchase a new place.

The ex -wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told
her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that
she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her
divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back...

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on
price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth... But only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within
the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they
watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods.     

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